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We started dating and became very close. Im usually quite cautious when it comes to new relationships but my feelings grew so quickly, before I knew it I was falling in love with him. Very soon we were sleeping together.
After about six months we started fighting a lot. Whenever we argued he would become disrespectful towards me. We only seemed to get along when we were in bed. Our relationship became increasingly rocky but I was still so in love with him that I was willing to stick it out.
Roll Tape
One night after wed had another fight he called to apologize and invited me over. Soon we were having sex. Afterwards when he went to the kitchen, I noticed a little red light blinking from his bookcase. I moved away the books and DVDs and found a video camera that had been recording. I found the replay button and saw, to my horror, that wed been recorded having sex.
I started rifling through his stuff. I dont know what I was expecting to find but I was certain there was more to it. I found three untitled recordable DVDs and left with them in my bag. The minute I got home I played them. They were all sex DVDs, some featuring me and others featuring unknown girls, but always starring him.
Late that night he called, saying he wanted to explain. He realized I found his stash. He said it was his private thing and nobody else had seen them. According to him, it wasnt a big deal since nobody got hurt. I kept it to myself for a couple of days. I knew once I told someone it would be real. I felt so many emotions betrayal, humiliation, anger, sadness. I didnt know how to begin dealing with everything.
I finally confided in my best friend, who suggested I go to the police. But I was so ashamed I couldnt. She insisted he was the one who should be ashamed and that Id done nothing wrong. I knew she was right but I couldnt look past the fact that Id been reduced to a character in a DIY porno flick.
When Paul wanted the DVDs back I told him Id destroyed them. It was true but he didnt believe me. He hounded me for a while until I threatened to go to the police. As an up and coming attorney he evidently didnt want this tainting his reputation, so he disappeared.
I still feel used but with the help of my friends Im trying to put it behind me. I cant tell my family what happened and Im always scared that some sex tape of me will surface on the Internet. I worry about how many people might have seen the footage, how many other girls hes exploited and whether hes still at it.
There were signs that my boyfriend didnt have that much respect for me, or women in general, but I ignored them. I have learnt to be more careful in trusting people next time I get involved with someone.
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